I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
