i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
