i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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