If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
