I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
