We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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