I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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