Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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