you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
