Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
