If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
