Cold hands, warm shart.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Congratulations! We have a period
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
