i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
