Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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