We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
