I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
