how can u be prego again
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
