I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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