that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
