nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
