Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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