I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
