how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize