My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
