Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
