You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
