went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
