i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
