Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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