you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
