I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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