are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
