were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
