i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
