I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
