The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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