The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
