he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
