Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
