Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
