Screwed.edu
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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