On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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