I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I believe in your delicious
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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