you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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