I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
