She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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