I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I died a long time ago.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
