I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
