I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
