Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
