we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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