apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
