My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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