Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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