we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
