I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
