Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
