M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
