So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
