Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
