Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
