My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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