We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
