Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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