There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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