Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize