so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
