Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
