I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
