Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
