If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
