I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
