Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
