I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
