with your own penis?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
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I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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