We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
